


Pull me Back to Humanity

by LostCereal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Drinking to Cope, Drugs, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Loneliness, M/M, Military, Sexual Content, Smut, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostCereal/pseuds/LostCereal
Summary: Dirk is going downhill and maybe taking his partying a little too far. It happens though that all these college parties with Dave keep having a weird constant that only shows up when Dirk is at shitface rock bottom, John Egbert. Dirk has no issues with Dave’s best friend but timing is just always off where they never actually get to talk cause one or both of them is already too lost in the party. This changes though when Dave ends up throwing John a going away party for his departure to the marines, but it's at Dirk’s place. Ensues a night of drunken mistakes, except maybe they weren’t mistakes at all as Dirk finally gets to loosen up a bit and maybe John gets reconnected to humanity.  It could be their meeting is at the completely wrong time but it doesn't mean they can’t take the opportunity that was handed to them. Love is too big for either boy to imagine and commitment is too harsh on the tongue but maybe their brief time together is exactly what each of them need.Will include art by meloncoolie on instagram
Relationships: John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 4





	Pull me Back to Humanity

Dirk pulls the burning blunt from his lips dragging the last remnants of smoke from his mouth into his lungs allowing the chemicals to mellow out his final remaining thoughts. He slowly blows out trying to keep a clean exhale but quickly fails with an onslaught of coughs. If we are being fair this is their third blunt and he has been trying to keep pace with all these damn stoner college kids. I mean hell he is only a year or two older than them but I guess when you are out partying every weekend your tolerance can get pretty high.  


Dave looks over at Dirk’s coughing form as he passes the now relatively small blunt to a girl behind him. He isn’t an exception to these beyond normal stoners. His look is full of questioning sympathy as Dirk goes to head inside from the porch but with one glance at his face Dave can tell that he’s nearly greened out and probably needs to sit down. As Dirk pushes his way through the door he is hit hard with the strong scent of alcohol and sweat that lingers all college parties. He is hit harder though by the jarringly loud garage band being projected on the wall that sends him falling face first through a kaleidoscope.  


Okay, so keeping pace with everyone else definitely was not a good idea at all. He quickly stumbles to the nearest couch plopping onto the oh so graciously soft cushions. Staring at the ceiling is helping to keep his spins to a minimum along with the sombering sound of rock and plastic triggers. As his breathing starts to even out he can feel his body slightly tilt to the right which is very apparent to Dirk’s already spinning mind.  


As he looks over the image of a pretty well built dude in khaki shorts and a very stupid Hawaiian shirt has taken form on the other side of the sofa. His head is leaned against the back of the couch and he looks pretty shitfaced himself. This guy looks like he doesn't even know Dirk is next to him but as his head rolls to the side a glimpse of realization is seen passing his glassy blue eyes. Honestly they are almost unnaturally blue but the glassy coating makes it evident that this guy has either been in tears or just about to be.  


Shit, Dirk is not in the mindset to handle someone else’s emotions, not that he really ever is but right now he can’t even remember how this guy ended up next to him on the couch. The blue eyed boy slumps sideways till he falls spilling into Dirk’s lap, messy black hair flourishing across Dirk’s thighs and glasses getting skewed from their regular position. Dirk is completely rigid, his arms are hovering a couple inches above the boys collapsed form as thoughts race through his mind. Thoughts that are only half processed and don’t really help with Dirk’s less than stellar situation. Dirk has been stuck with a pretty cute college kid in his lap who has now begun to cry and as the tears run down his plump cheeks onto Dirk’s black jeans all he can do is stare.  


“My girlfriend broke up with me a couple days ago, we haven't been dating long or anything but like, so she’s pregnant and there was a chance I was the father. I didn’t want to be the father don’t get me wrong but I was prepared to be there for her even if it wasn’t my kid and I felt ready to step up as a step father and god, that's so stupid isn't it. I feel so stupid and like of course it wasn’t mine and of course she wanted to go be with the father but fuck, ya know. Of course then my bro drags me out to this party which I'm not against. I'm all for drowning sorrows in a couple beers but obviously here I am still head first diving into the sorrows.” This kid really looks like he had more than just a couple beers but who are you to judge. You feel for the guy, hell you're doing the same thing just burying your emotions in a college party with a lot of strangers and too many substances.  


“Uh yeah, that really sucks I’m sorry to hear about it” How eloquently said Dirk, you really made the guy feel better, hit him with the ole empathy stick at max power. Dirk has now had his own inebriated state shown in full force to himself and he feels bad that this drunken soul has chosen him to gush his emotions too. His already below normal social abilities have just plummeted to beyond his normal rock bottom. The awkward tension between the crying Hawaiian clad man on Dirk’s lap and Dirk himself is thankfully broken as Dirk’s brother finally comes in from the porch and claps a heavy hand onto Dirk’s shoulder.  


“Dope bro, you got to meet John”  


That was Dirk’s first meeting of one Mr. John Egbert, Dave’s best friend. It probably wasn’t the best first impression for either party but Dirk can’t really be asked to care. Honestly, Dirk doesn’t even really remember John Egbert except for him being a relatively cute guy with extremely blue eyes and an out of control daddy kink. The whole point of that party had been to let go and forget all the shit with his own friends back at home. It had pretty much worked right until he had to drive his ass right back out of Houston and into his head on collision with the bullshit that is his falling apart friend group and the definition of queer bait, Jake English.  


Dirk has had a crush on Jake since their sophomore year in high school and the past three years has been a whirlwind. He is glad to have a best friend that he feels like actually knows him and he has accepted his fate of unrequited love but sometimes it feels like Jake hasn’t. They’ve done so many things together and deemed themselves as dating on so many occasions it isn't even taken as a joke anymore. They went to prom and homecoming together every year, have gone on every kind of platonic date possible, and Dirk was Jake’s first kiss. This would be fine and they could really be just close friends if Jake didn't keep bringing up the possibility of being gay and having a crush on Dirk and all of this not including the unmentioned night after graduation.  


Dirk honestly just can’t deal with it anymore he cant handle the continuous self torture on himself. He is causing so much pain to himself by not just talking to Jake but he doesn't want to make it weirder than it already is. He just doesn’t get it, why does straight boy Jake have to be the one Dirk is crushing on and why does he keep half reciprocating.  


Now he is doing it again, overthinking every single thing Jake has done in the past three years. Dirk has got to give himself a break but it really feels like in this house, and in this town he can’t. In such a small rural town where everyone knows each other there is no solace of the Jake English fanclub. Every girl wants to date him and every guy wants to be him, hell even their two best friends are jealous of Dirk. Roxy is more chill about it then Jane is but it’s still clear she gets angry with both the boys. She is mad that Dirk keeps allowing himself to get hurt and almost more mad at Jake for continuing to mess with Dirk’s emotions.  


This is why Dirk keeps skipping town so often. A break from the small town into the city for a couple quick visits with his younger brother. Honestly, Dirk sometimes regrets not going to college but he just didn't have the desire and couldn’t come up with the cash needed. He does fine without the degree but that's helped by the fact he can drive to Houston and spend a night in a strangers dorm with Dave. This has actually happened quite often in the last year, probably about once a month if we are being honest. Not that Dirk can’t get himself shitfaced at home but it's the added feeling of freedom that comes from someone else's house and in someone else's town, no worry of who is watching as Dirk allows every shit show that has happened in his life just come out full force.  


This newest party is no exception to Dirk’s spiral into numbness. Him and Dave showed up an hour early on accident, but really what can you do? The only effect on Dirk was that he could get started early. The night was hit off with a bang by three consecutive shots for him and his bro. Dave was already tapping out, apparently not wanting to be on the ground before the rest of the party arrives, personal preference I suppose. Dirk was the opposite, now already on his second mixed drink after the shots and feeling well past buzzed. He didn't care though the feeling was welcomed and really did a number on his overthinking. The party had begun to arrive and he was content with the night to continue. Having the ability to let go of his own control was appealing to him and he has no brain function to get worried at the thought.  


Time isn’t exactly Dirk’s strong suit but right now it has gone completely off the rails. Dirk has actually happened to find himself on a balcony, except his perspective has changed as he is currently laying on the rough concrete staring at the stars above. It’s nice to just watch the stars not having to think about what it means to be such a small piece of the entire universe. He just gets to accept that his life is so insignificant and every moment isn’t even a drop into the ocean that is the entire universe. Normally, these are thoughts that scare him because there is no purpose in his life then, no control over the entire universe. Now though, these are comforting. The knowledge that him and his problem mean nothing to anyone. He just gets to exist because who cares how he does. It’s almost as if he has reached complete control by letting go of all control, hmm an interesting concept that hopefully he can mull over when he isn’t a breath from losing his entire dinner.  


As Dirk shifts himself to hopefully delay his inevitable spew the sliding door opens behind him. Then another jump through time occurs and he finds one John Egbert laying next to him with Dave just past him.  


“Yo bro, how ya holding up” Shit, when was the last time he actually saw Dave? He swore it couldn’t have been more than a couple minutes ago but based on the look on his face along with the now very bright stars that Dirk has been gazing on it must have been at least an hour.  


A small grunt is all Dirk can get out because he is pretty sure if he tries to actually open his mouth more than just words are going to come out. John offers a chuckle to that, he must find your suffering funny. Man you must look like a real chump to him. It’s not like you are a lightweight or anything Eggboy just enjoys showing up to parties fashionably late apparently. Dirk rolls his head over though to get a better look at the giggling boy next to him. His glasses look once again skewed but it might be just due to the ungodly amount of superglue holding them together. His hair comes off as almost brown with the gleam of the moonlight that is illuminating him, and those eyes are just as bright as you remembered. They look as if the moon is reflecting on the sea right in front of you despite being on a balcony in the middle of Houston. It’s not something Dirk is looking that deep into it’s just a pretty boy who he has no problem appreciating. Yeah a cute guy around his age is always nice to see as an option but when the cute guy is for one straight and for two your brother’s best friend and if we are really putting the cards on the table then also Dave’s crush, it's gotta be a pass. Dirk is sad and desperate but not to that low just yet. His physical and mental state may be at rock bottom but not yet his morals and standards, they’re getting close though.  


The party is honestly probably going as well as Dirk had expected. Blacked out, at least 16 bathroom trips to hurl, and not a single break to think about how sad and confused he is, overall a win. It’s a nice change of pace from the usual “dirk” that he is. He likes the parties and hanging with Dave is a plus, as well as the now always around Egbert. They add up to be a pretty good distraction team. Funny though, because Dirk has maybe had three conversations with Egbert and only one of them where Dave wasn’t around and approximately none of them that he wasn’t shitfaced for. Him and the dude aren’t friends or anything so I guess it’s not weird but they are in this weird middle ground of knowing each other's shitty backstories and drunken black out pleas for help but not basic shit like majors or actual ages. Again Dirk has little need to care, the past year has just been a roller coaster and John is merely a new onlooker.


End file.
